He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
