May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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