i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
