He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
