My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
