Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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