The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
