I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Bring me that man meat
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