I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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