Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
