I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
