Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
