Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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