apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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