He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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