Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
