Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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