wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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