I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
