You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
