you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Damn victory sex feels great
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
