my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
