i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
