Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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