Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
