I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
