Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
