DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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