i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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