She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
