God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
