I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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