Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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