i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
