This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
