I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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