Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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