I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
