so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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