How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
