the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
