he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
