So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
