I have demons in me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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