Jerry, you need to find god
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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