someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
