She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
