Taylor Swift is so right about you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
