The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
