The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
please come you make the beer taste better
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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