just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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