you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
