I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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